Ten World Cup Thought Crimes
The beautiful game delivers! A delightful clash of cultures, styles, and personalities. The superstars are putting on a show and the underdogs are barking loudly.
It’s also a great substrate for inappropriate takes, loosely inspired by Nick Wright’s on how to make NBA players give a shit about their all-star game:
How do we feel about match ups between colonizers and their former colonies? If we apply the oppressor/oppressed framework, should we allow players for former colonies to commit any foul they see fit? Should the colonizers have to play with fewer players or some other adjustment to account for historical atrocities? Or, do we go old school and let the colonizers raid the former colonies of their best players?
What’s the best settler-colonial match up? Belgium vs. DR Congo? Netherlands vs. South Africa? A US vs. England match would be a yankee doodle dandy!
And speaking of the colonial legacy, how the fuck does the UK get three teams? England, Scotland, and (though they didn’t qualify) Wales.
Are rivalries better among countries who’ve fought wars? Does the rivalry intensify or fade over time? The US-Iran case is most recent—those poor Iranians got harassed by US officials in multiple ways. But since few Americans support the war, I’m not sure a match up on the pitch would be all that pitched. France-Germany seems like the ultimate example. Central players in two world wars and each a football power with multiple World Cup wins. Argentina-England is another hot one—the hand of god on the heels of the Falklands War. Amazing.
The alternate kits are an out-of-control cash grab. Colors not on your flag should be banned, except for the Dutch and Kiwis.
I went into this World Cup cynical of the expanded field. It seemed like most things in sport—another cash grab. But some of these underdogs won me over. When Curacao scored the early equalizer against Germany in their opener, it was delightful mayhem. Then I learned only one Curacao player was actually born there. Sigh. But it’s complex…
And then there’s the Cape Verde run, which is wonderful…and I’m loving the story of 40-year-old Vozinha and his mom’s visa, but I really don’t care about how many Instagram followers he’s gained.
Just call them ad breaks.
FIFA’s power to erase stadium names is impressive. Hard to fathom those enormous contracts the likes of SoFi and Gillette signed for naming rights couldn’t capture the potential for an event like this. Brand management tip - embed your logo in the stadium structure.
The US team feels a bit like Wemby. This might just be the most we ever like them. If they get really good, they will likely become the least liked team in the world.
Enjoy the knock out rounds!